This is why i dont do meth or anything else street you can think of. I dont pop pain pills either.

This is going to be a serious straightforward post but ironically it may make less sense than my other posts and it may also be way more boring.

So..usually I can deal with activity around me while I'm in my fishbowl that I live in..it's a huge SUV..OK not bragging although my family by blood and marriage that I see with my eyes in person often seems to think it's too good for me. She drives a 2014 mustang or newer...it rumbles up and down the road like a diesel engine on steroids without the annoying whistle. My truck is falling apart and I hear with my ears her make allusions to me hitchhiking, that I need certain things in case I end up walking, and I believe I heard her say something about my truck breaking down. 

Meanwhile, my step brother who lives with her and my Father along with another sibling and 2 sometimes 3 of her grown children in a 4 bedroom one bath home( I stay in my truck on the street by their house at night and try to make myself scarce during the day)The step brother my step mother's first child and not of my Father tries to do her bidding to get rid of me.

Usually, I sleep away their tactics and misgivings because im not a paranoid drug user but every time I sit in their house like this morning words just flow out of my mouth because of verbal attacks from my stepmother, the lady at power mart,  the ex- pastors, wife at church because I am a perceived threat to these women...I guess.

So they use their womanly wiles to try and get the men in their lives who worship them to destroy me.

 I will admit I am not perfect, not even close, but why I ask do I not deserve to live from their perspective? They know I would have no place to go and get killed if I lost my dog and truck yet these murderous tramps want to off me by taking away what little I have. Like they don't have enough already so they want to steal from me.

I can barely walk but it's getting better, I've lost 38 pounds since I moved here to Anderson in August of 2025. I guess that pleases me but I feel I have to constantly watch my back. I need sleep. I need to lay horizontally and not on a wet forest floor.. thank you. Nix that thought to my enemies.

Ok here's where the drugs come in, I smell them, not their odor but their chemical properties are being metabolized by my system when I spend any amount of time in the said home. I should just stay out, right? I try to but sometimes I just want to get warm or feel like I would be part of the family for 15 minutes or so without my stepmother calling out the dogs to mess with my truck and dog. Same at church, same at powermart. Same anywhere I go.

My husband and his Uncle poisoned me. I now have kidney and liver problems.

Thanks to living on the streets since 2019 I am now engrossed in spiritual problems. I try to hang onto to Jesus but everytime I sin I know I am re-crucifying him and the people I'm hurting.

I was listening to Disturbed , Avenged Seven Fold, and some other music I avoid yesterday and I was shocked that I felt like the person singing the lyrics. I thought of others who listen to that same music and what they must be doing to end up in the same predicament as the song lyrics were saying...you are all alone, you've been sinning and hurting others now you have noone to call and you will die like those you've hurt, you are going to burn in hell with the devil. 

I got really depressed after hearing that music although while listening I got a sense of companionionship with the subjects being spoken of in the song.

 I don't want to burn in hell wit the devil and I really don't want that for others either. I think this blog just refocussed my attention off my own self pity and made me think of more of what life is about and being  saved. Gods sacrifice for my sins and the fact that we are all sinners. The Bible says "noone is righteous, no not one". I just happen to be my blood and marriage family's target for destruction. I target others for survival and I know they will be destroyed. I don't target them, they just magically show up and I comply with what's expected of me or so I think, for my survival.

I guess that's why noone wants anything from me and the " queens" want to destroy me. I know and they probably know it too but it's not their place or has God hired them for the job? I don't know, but it seems he has. Good night. Pity party over. I love my dog. I can tell him anything.